ROBOT READS: WATER FOR ELEPHANTS

Water for Elephants

I have a confession to make. I originally bought Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen a couple of years ago. I started it. Read a couple of chapters. Got bored. Put it down...and down it stayed. Meanwhile everyone and their mothers was reading it and LOVING it, making me think that I needed to give it another try.

And then, like with most things, I forgot about it.

UNTIL...

...this amazing promo with an amazing song by Florence and the Machine caught my attention. Like most popular books, there was now to be a Water for Elephants movie. "I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!" I thought. Which I completely plan on doing. However, I have a flaw, defect, particularity...whatever you want to call it. I cannot see a movie if it was initially a book, and I have not already read the book. It is completely ridiculous.

So after two years I hopped back on the Elephant saddle and was HOOKED. I realized that I was doing it all wrong. Like the Twilight series, I had to pretend like the leading male role was Robert Patinson and I was his love interest. Once that happened I was in!

It is a brazenly penned story about a young man, Jacob Jankowski, who runs away from the tragedy that has recently befallen him and joins a traveling train circus. It takes place during the depression and the constant question of where money is going to come from next is quite reminiscent of my current life (maybe I will hop on a circus train.) He falls in love with a married woman, befriends an elephant and is roommates with a little person. I don't know about you, but married women + elephants + little people = my new favorite.

I highly recommend it.

And I will probably highly recommend the movie too....but I have no seen it yet.

I'll let you know.

TROLLS!

How do you get rid of them?!

I would much rather have garden gnomes.

They are nice...and give you great tips on where to vacation.

Green Tea is supposed to be good for you

There is one side of my family that is blessed with addictive personalities.

My grandma is addicted to keeping everything that she has ever touched.

My father is addicted to...well I wont go there.

My sister used to be addicted to cleaning out her high school locker.

I, being the level headed/ perfect/ flawless person that I am, thought that I had escaped this trait. I mean, almost 26 years without a serious addiction (well there was that episode with Zac Efron...) and I am pretty much convinced that I am out scot free.

Well.

I was wrong.

I have met my match.

 Ladies, Matthew, and that random person in Malta,

I would like to introduce you to the new love in my life. The Green Tea Frappuccino. My mouth waters just typing its name. I have not told anyone this, but I have at least one a day. The people at my local Starbucks are starting to recognize me. One of the Barista's even speaks to me in French, because one time...like over a month ago...I told him that I wanted to learn the language. And the scary thing is, I think that I am starting to understand what he is saying.

This is a very unhealthy habit.

I can feel the pounds just multiplying in my mid section.        

It was really depressing today when I was reading some random blog and this girl was talking about how she has gained 4 lbs since she quit breast feeding. I HAVE GAINED 4 LBS SINCE THIS MORNING!

And I have no self control. I can't say no. If I drive part a Starbucks it is 0.7 seconds before I make a U-turn.

So I have come up with a plan.

I am going to drink as many of these bad boys as I can in one sitting...until I am absolutely sick. Isn't that what they tell people who are trying to quit smoking to do?

I will let you know how it goes.

Should I document this on video?


 

Crazy Mormon Shit

So I have been really bored the last half an hour and have been looking at all the nooks and crannies in blog world. Did you know that there is a "stats" tab that tells you how many people have looked at your blog, how many times, when, where they come from, how they got there, and if they need to go to the dentist? I found this very interesting... It also tells you how random people get to your blog by searching in google. The following searches have lead to mine:   1. funny inappropriate shit

2. phởnatic

3. am i crazy for going back to school?

4. bat shit crazy book

5. bat-shit crazy mormon club

6. batshit crazy things to do

7. book review: "red tent"

8. carla bruni ikea fun

9. closep picture bat shit

10. crazy mormon shit   Really? Do people actually use google for this? I thought that it was only for looking up shirtless pictures of Zac Efron. Amen, he is legal.

While the cats away, the mouse stays busy...

Last Wednesday I woke up bright and early with a sad agenda.

I had to drop my boyfriend off at the airport.

He was to fly off to Nashville, Tennessee for a "boys weekend," which in Spanish directly translates to "TROUBLE." I really wasn't worried, it was five grown (and I assume stinky) men in an RV for 5 days. I bet he didn't even brush his teeth. 

So FUN was on the agenda...I was NOT going to stay at home moping because my prince charming was roughing it for a few days.

First order of business, my darling best friend Chad's 30th birthday. I believe he is in denial about turning 30, as he chose a place that slightly resembles Chuckey Cheese for his birthday.

WE DANCED THE FUNKY CHICKEN!

WE PLAYED MOVIE TRIVIA!

WE CHEERED and JEERED!

...all while enjoying sushi and saki.

The place is called "Tokyo Delves" located in North Hollywood. I would only suggest going there if you were going with my friends. Because they know how to make it really fun. Unless your friends are really fun too...I mean, I guess that could work.

I filled the rest of the week hanging out with friends. I think that it is really interesting stuff, but I doubt you will.

But what I really find interesting is my Saturday night.

I had NO plans and had resigned myself to staying in and gorging on pizza with a depressing book and a box of tissues. Except I didn't have a box of tissues. A roll of toilet paper would have to suffice. When all of a sudden, my phone is jingle-jangling...who could it be? 

Oh just my friend David with a last minute invite to see the Scissor Sisters! 

Usually I do not accept last minute invites, but David is just wonderfully divine and I had to say yes! 

Please see below for wonderfully divine:

You want to know how fancy he is? Our tickets included VIP access, which meant that we got to avoid standing in the back of a sweaty crowd and stood comfortably above the mayhem with more then enough dancing room.

I was in GAY heaven!

First of all I love the Scissor Sisters...they are the bomb.com.

Second...I was in spitting distance (not like I would spit at him, RUDE!) of Rufus Wainwright. I know. I am still composing my open letter to him, claiming my love. He is everything that I wish that I could be. I beautiful gay man who has a beautiful voice, speaks French and plays the piano. And his boyfriend is REALLY cute too.

However, all good things must come to an end. I am picking up Matthew at 7:30 PM Pacific Standard Time.

Just kidding...I am really happy he is coming home! I have shelves that I need to be hung in my apartment!

I Have Strep Throat...

I wonder where I got it?


The suspects are as follows:

1. The Department of Motor Vehicles in Van Nuys, CA
2. The Los Angeles Superior Courthouse of Beverly Hills, CA
3. The Los Angeles Superior Courthouse of Van Nuys, CA
4. Pho2000 of downtown Los Angeles, CA
5. My boyfriend

The possibilities....

Phở-natic

I have a serious problem.

About a week ago my darling boyfriend shared a secret with me, and ever since it is all I can think about.

Phở

We were on our way home from a Rufus Wainwright concert (by the way I love him...I think that him and I are meant to be the best of friends, forever and always, amen) and we were STARVING! I had promised him that we could go to this Vietnamese restaurant that he was dying to go to, but all I could see was El Pollo Loco. I am crazy about that chicken. However, he was driving and I had no control over the situation.

As he pulled up to Pho2000, I cringed. This place definitely did NOT have an "A." I mean, I didn't see the sign...but if I did, I am sure it would have said "B." As in "B" weary.

We sit, and a sweet lady comes to take our order. Matthew orders me the oxtail pho.

Oh. My. God.

Where has this place been every time I had a cold, broke up with a boyfriend, was extra grumpy?! This is the kind of stuff that could cure every ailment worldwide! It is the most perfect combination of soup and noodle and mystery meat...I admit, I did not know what oxtail was. I asked when I was about 75% percent finished with it and Matthew told me it was monkey tail. I believed him for about 2.5 horrifying minutes and then just assumed it was cow. Which to my relief it is. Or hopefully that is what it was. Like I said...the place was a little suspect.

Anyways...after a long wait, we are going again tonight. And I am SO EXCITED! I never get this excited about food (that last statement was a blatant lie.)

What are you doing tonight?

Will you be dining on Pho as well? 

I will leave you with a list of my favorite (real life) Pho restaurant names:

1. 9021PHO (Beverly Hills, CA)
2. Pho King (Chatsworth, CA)
3. Pho Show (Culver City, CA)
4. Absolutely Pho-bulous (West Hollywood, CA)...(OF COURSE!)