Friday, February 19, 2010

Smooth move...Just keep on walking...

I used to be really uncool when it came to interacting with the opposite sex.

Like really, really uncool.

Thankfully the only people who were really aware of this were my mom, my best friend Lauren, and my sister Jessica. Well...and a slew of other people who I would tell my embarrassing stories to...because I have a big mouth.

So I thought that I would start a mini-series on my blog compiling all of my embarrassing moments. Who knows...maybe they will help someone across this great land...like a "what NOT to do" guide to men....

For my first installment I will start with THE most embarassing...To me at least...

Just Keep on Walking

I used to work in the mortgage/ real estate industry. I was always one of a handful of ladies swimming in an office full of macho male bravado. Nice suits, smooth talk, big egos. I was pretty confident that they had a helium tank in the mens restroom to keep their heads substantially inflated, for their heads were huge. Bigger then the heads that represented them on bus stop benches. Just enormous.

Among these strapping gentleman was the strapping-est of them all. Lets call him....Frank. Well, anytime Frank came around I was transformed...into a blubbering fool. I could hardly put two words together when he was in sight, which is why we never spoke. But I was aware of him none the less...aware of him being aware of me. I would catch him staring at me from behind his office window. I would see him linger by the elevator when he thought that I was right behind him, ready to share a ride (in which case I would promptly turn for the stairs.) He was everywhere! I could not escape him no matter how hard I tried. And I tried really really hard.

I would get to work early, leave late, take my lunch at odd hours, and I would do EVERY and ANYTHING to avoid walking by his office. Until...

...I walked by his office. I didn't even realize what I was doing until BAM! Eye contact was made. My heart skipped a beat. He smiled. My heart stopped. I was overtaken with fear...pure dread!

And then.

He did the unthinkable.

He asked me to lunch.

My ears started ringing! I was dizzy! I couldn't speak! I couldn't breathe...but I could keep walking.

And that is just what I did.

I KEPT WALKING!

and walking....

and walking..........

and walking..................

Until I had left the building and was pacing the parking lot.

What had I done?!

I called Lauren.

Spilled my guts...

We both decided that he would think that I was a crazy person...

Then I texted my friend Jackie (see, big mouth)...

Here is the literal conversation we had! Yes, I saved it....
1:06 PM Jacqueline: hey lady
 me: Jackie i am an official retard
 Jacqueline: ha ha why??
1:07 PM me: so you know that devastatingly handsome guy that i work with?
 Jacqueline: yes
1:08 PM me: so I was walking...
and I didn't realize what I was doing, and walked right by his office.
 Jacqueline: and
 me: and we make eye contact
1:09 PM at which point my stomach takes a pencil dive into my toes
  and he opens his mouth and says "hey Sarah, you want to go to lunch?"
 Jacqueline: do you go??
 me: Jackie
  I am a fool
1:10 PM I didn't even answer him because I thought I was going to pass out
  and i KEPT WALKING
  Jackie
  please tell me everything is going to be ok
1:12 PM Jacqueline: you are a dork
1:13 PM me: Jackie
  I am dying
  I cant believe that I did that
 Jacqueline: so did you see him at all after lunch?
  what are you going to say
1:14 PM me: no
  he has not returned
  i don't know
  WHAT WAS I THINKING
  i am SOOOOOOOO retarded
 Jacqueline: hahahah
1:15 PM me: jackie
  what am i going to do?
1:16 PM Jacqueline: just say you forgot you already had lunch plans until he said something and you had to rush back to your desk to make a phone call, sorry i was so rude but it totally slipped your mind
 me: no because i didnt even go back to my desk
  i just LEFT
1:17 PM Jacqueline: so say you totally forgot you were meeting me and you were running super late
 me: jackie
1:18 PM i want to bang my head against my desk
  but i think it would make too much noise
  i actually want to whine and stomp my feet
1:19 PM Jacqueline: hahaha dork
1:20 PM i told my mom, sorry

5 minutes
1:25 PM me: what did she say?

8 minutes
1:34 PM Jacqueline: she thought it was funny
1:35 PM me: ugh
  i am sick to my stomach
 Jacqueline: dork
1:36 PM me: ok i am going to send him an email
  what should i say
1:37 PM Jacqueline: just apologize and say what i said
1:38 PM me: oye vey
  i am a retard
1:39 PM Jacqueline: hahah tell me what you say

11 minutes
1:50 PM me: jackie
  :(
  its going to be ok  
It turned out ok...I went to lunch with him a week later and he ended up being a complete moron.

Moral of the story:

If someone asks you to lunch, either answer "Yes, Please" or "No, Thank you." But you should probably most likely say "No, Thank you" because they are more often than not going to be a big moron....




   

4 comments:

  1. Hahaha! This is such a funny story! You really area dork, just like me! and you're right, they really are most likely to be morons.

    xoxo,
    andyquirks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh you are so freaking cute! Keep these coming!

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  3. LOL! This is hilarious. I've had many of these moments as well. Can't wait to hear more of your stories ;) xo

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