Monday, February 22, 2010

Myspace says your in a relationship?

When I was 19(ish) I enrolled myself into a "Lord of the Rings" Psychology & English class (I did mention I am an enormous dork, right?)

In this class I met a guy. Lets call him...Jerry. Jerry and I became friends. He was shy, so naturally I was not interested. We would hang out before classes and on breaks.

One day him and I were walking to the student store. I needed to get sufficiently caffeinated for our 4 hour class.  Can you say Mountian Dew?

While walking I hear someone slap Jerry on the back.

"Hey! Whats up man?"

I turn to see who has so rudely interrupted mine and Jerry's silent walk to see a very cool looking guy. I mean, he had spikey hair and his ears pierced. Can you get any cooler than that? I don't think so.

We will call HIM...Ben.

Anyways...while I was staring at him I walked straight into an open door. I still have the scar (6 years later) to prove it.

I think that this was the moment that he really noticed me. And why wouldn't he? I was extremely adorable...and the sound and sight of my body colliding into a door gained the attention of everyone within a 5 mile radius. Don't worry though. I recovered gracefully, like the prima ballerina that I am.

And then...we fell in love. Or at least I did.

Well not real love. 19(ish) year old love. You know, the kind where you scribble his name all over your Lord of the Rings psychology notes and decide that your children would have perfect teeth. That kind.

We would go on dates to fancy chain restaurants. Most of which featured a floweing onion as its feature menu item. We would go to the movies, holding hands the entire time. Go bowling. We even tried golfing (which is not my forte, unfortunately.)

Life was sweet to say the least.

Until...

This one day I was at home studying for an upcoming "The Lord of the Rings" final. I have this weird thing when I cannot concentrate unless I have some kind of noise going on in the background, ie. TV, music, 7 year old brother babble. So I had the television on. All of a sudden I hear a voice that is familiar. Why was it familiar? Because I had just hung up my phone on that voice moments earlier....yes. It was Ben.


ON A CHEESY DATING SHOW!

Oh my dear Lord. Could it be?? Was my darling Ben looking for love in all the wrong places (UPN channel 13.)

I called him...kept it cool...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON A TRASHY DATING SHOW I CANT EVEN BELIEVE THIS YOU ARE DISGUSTING THAT GIRL THAT YOU ARE MAULING IS SOOOOO NOT AS CUTE AS I AM WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU EW EW EW EW EW!!!"

As gross as this notion was to me, he somehow talked me out of my rage and we continued things as normal. He told me it was no big deal, so I just went along with it. Because I was 19(ish.)

Well...time went on...and on...and on.

At which point I was turned on to the miracle that was Myspace.

I decided "hey why not!" and made myself an account.

While adding friends I decided to see if the object of my desire had happened to catch on to this latest craze.

And he had.

Ben
Age: 20
Relationship Status: In a Relationship

Awww....he acknowledged me on his Myspace page. How sweet! This was a big step. Wow...just wow.

And on I snooped...straight to the pictures I went!

OH!! How cute! They were all pictures of him and I!!

Wait.

That is not a picture of him and I.

That is a picture of him and another blonde...with WAY bigger boobs. All captioned with "me and my girlfriend."

Shock rattled through my body!

Horror ravaged my brain!!

First the dating show. Then the other girlfriend.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again!!

My heart was broken. I ignored his calls, I sulked around the house....and then I started dating Jerry.

Lesson to be learned. NEVER date a guy with spikey hair and ear piercings. They already have a blonde girlfriend, and they don't need another one.

6 comments:

  1. Your stories are always so funny and interesting! So what happened with the guy were calling Jerry?

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  2. Oh my! You are so funny and super cute! Im not in a relationship!

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  3. Sarah, I just loved this story!
    Cute and beautifully written! I can relate to this.
    Tha last paragragh "lessons learned" priceless!
    Betty xx

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  4. I love your writing and your wit--Paul

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  5. You are hilarious my friend. Thanks for the entertainment tonight :) I remember seeing a few of my guy friends (thankfully no boyfriends) on all those cheezy MTV dating shows!

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