...is a personal shopper. OH! And for people to stop sending me Christmas cookies.
These 2 things would make my life (and fitting into my jeans) SO much easier.
But alas, my life is filled with Danish butter cookies and a slew of people to shop for. Did I mention that Christmas is only 3 days away?
Shopping (for other people) is my least favorite part of the holidays. I am absolutely incapable of shopping for others. Myself? No problem! Buy something for my boyfriend? Mind drawing a blank, palms starting to sweat, OH! Look at those darling earrings! I will take 2 pairs (because I am bound to lose one pair to Casper the clothing and accessory thief ghost.) What is a girl to do?
Of course the malls will be JAM PACKED with those last minute holiday shoppers that I loathe, even though I myself am a last minute holiday shopper. Nothing I want will be in stock in the correct color. I better hope that the people I am shopping for are obese, because any clothing item I might consider buying will only be available in XXXXXL, because skinny people shop early for Christmas. I hope you are not offended about the obese/skinny comment, but I will have you know that this is a proven, scientific fact. If you do not believe me then go out tonight! Every stylish item of clothing will only be available in the largest of sizes...
Hopefully, anyone that is shopping for me is a last minute shopper this year. I don't think that I could fit into a size small to save my life. What is it with people wanting to make you fat over the Holidays? I have 3 tins of butter cookies, a literal pyramid of divine chocolates, 3 cakes, and a huge barrel full of popcorn. The defect that I was born with (unable-to-share-itis) is really taking a toll on me this last week.
So tonight...I will be braving the storm. I am going to dive face first into this Christmas shopping madness no matter how deeply I despise it. The worst thing that can happen is I find myself a really really cute pair of Miu Miu Round-Toe Lattice Pumps and a pair of pants with a wider waist...who am I kidding? They wont have my shoe size!