Scatterbrained

scatterbrained [ˈskætəˌbreɪnd] adj. exhibiting or characterized by lack of serious thought or concentration; disorganized; silly

Every morning is a marathon.

Not because I wake up late.

Not because I have an arduous makeup and hair routine.

No workout, television program, continental breakfast could possibly get in my way.

So why am I always at least 2 minutes late to work every morning?

Because I am scatterbrained.

Either that, or my keys and shoes have the ability to move of their own accord. Which would be AMAZING! I would sell them on Ebay for a FORTUNE!

I am tempted to get a nanny cam to see what ACTUALLY happens with my keys and shoes while I slumber. No matter where I think I put them the night before, when the morning rolls around they are in a completely different and nonsensical place.

I THINK that I put my keys in my purse...I find them on the third from the top shelf of the refridgerator.

I am POSITIVE I put my keys on the key hook that I spent $14 on so that this sort of thing will not happen...they are dangling from the toilet flusher (really, how did that happen...?)

My black pumps are without a doubt waiting for me at the front door...how did they end up in my size 10 footed roommates laundry hamper?

I am going to go to my General Practitioner to see if I can get a formal diagnosis for Scatterbrain-a-mania...this has also been referred to as anti-ocd...

Common symptoms other than shoe/ key loss can include:

- losing your car in a 10 space parking lot
- mismatch socks
- forgetting the name of your long-term boyfriend
- driving to your childhood home, rather than your adult apartment
- mistaking plastic fruit you bought at a craft store with actual/ edible fruit
- sending an email about how much you despise your boss TO YOUR BOSS
- buying your sister a present for your mothers birthday
- dropping off a fed ex package at UPS/ DHL/ the vet

I wonder what they prescribe for this malady...possibly a brain? I wonder what pharmaceutical company manufactures those. I hope it isn't Purdue Pharma...I have boycotted them ever since the FDA discontinued generic oxycontin...

If positively diagnosed, I will have to refer my family to get tested, as I think that it is genetic...

Proof?! You want PROOF!!!

8:47 AM: My paternal Grandmother loses her reading glasses...she was wearing them when I first saw her at 7:45 AM...4 hours later, still nowhere to be found

9:15 AM: My Grandfather confuses me with the brunette girl that works for us.

9:30 AM: While dropping off my paternal Grandfather and Uncle at LAX it was discovered that not one, but BOTH of them forgot their luggage. They are now on their way to New Orleans with nothing but the clothes on their back.

12:00 PM: My father called from Mammoth Mountain to inform us that he has misplaced his wife and child. He is still waiting to hear back from the lost and found to see if they have turned up, along with his leather gloves.

1:oo PM: NEWS FLASH!! My grandmother has found her glasses, they were in her pocket

1:15 PM: I, Sarah, have lost my sanity...

THIS...IS...A...SERIOUS...PROBLEM...

I am afraid of what my scatterbrain-a-mania will cause me to do next...the possibilities are ENDLESS! I could unwillingly end up in the middle of the Sahara Desert with nothing but my Ugg boots and not a mirage in sight...

I hope there are not a whole bunch of tests involved with the Scatterbrain-a-mania diagnosis...I need to get that brain prescription as sooooon as possible.