Dear Bloggary,

I am starting a blog.
I don't know why. (Well, actually, I do. It is because I find myself so damn amusing that I want to capture everything I do/ say/ think in text...but I will not admit to it)
I am not going to go into any back story.
I am just going to start with today...
Today...I am pissed
I will start with a loving (partially sarcastic {like 14% sarcasm}) email which I sent to my father:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT
FROM: Sarah Swift
DATE: 9:22 AM
TO: Andy Swift

Liz and Brittany are becoming too "buddy-buddy" and Brittany is starting to develop the same entitled, "this work is above me" attitude. Really, I should be the only one acting like that. When was the last time THEY were making 60k a year?? For me it was a little less then a year ago...so close...yet so far away...Moving on and up!

Anyways. That needs to be nipped in the bud PRONTO.

Also, Helen needs to stop complaining/ empathizing with about you, Steve, Dolly to them. As someone who is "superior" to them it is really inappropriate. When she comes in it seems like this place is up in arms and everyone is chatting and making problems bigger then they are.

I say we sack Liz, make me office manager, I can hire someone else and then run this show with an iron fist? Good idea? I think so too.
Things like a dress code, reporting to a superior, scheduled break times really bring a place together and make it run smoothly. These girls have NO ONE to report to! They do as they please and are only dealt with when something is wrong.
How about when the new year rolls around there is a "lets teach Sarah everything" seminar.
We also need to update the computer systems, file maintenance, everything. And if I know everything that there is to know, then I can help! I have worked in the future and it is a lovely place to be. Then we can keep up with our competition. We are in the STONE AGE!

THEN you can pay me more! Yesterday half of my paycheck went to my water and power bill (even though my rent is cheaper my utilities are sky high and it is probably more expensive for me to live in the god-awful valley then in West Hollywood. What a laugh that is!) NOW I have an estimated $100 to last me till the end of the month. Looks like no one is getting presents this year! Merry Christmas to me!

(The Bliley Grandparents will give me $50 for my birthday so that brings me up to $150...PHEW! I will get everyone a Snickers candy bar. Except Jessica. She hates chocolate, "because our mother told us to hate chocolate.")

On that note, is there anything that I can do for you and then maybe you could throw a bone my way? Christmas shopping, wash your car...is there any SGMC stuff that I can do over my birthday weekend (this weekend) that needs to be done? I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place...Oh how I wish that rock was a diamond ring from my millionaire boyfriend...BUT alas, life doesn't work that way.

Happy Holidays!

Your,
Daughter

Ok, fine, fine…Back story. I work for my family business. I hate it, but mostly because I can’t do everything my way, on my terms, exactly when I want to. But I am working on that as we speak.

The characters in this office-place melodrama:

Dolly Swift: My grandmother and matriarch of this battleship business
Andy Swift: My dear old dad who drives me mad
Steve Swift: My uncle, who I cannot stand (and who also sounds like a Speak n’ Spell when he talks)
Sarah Swift: Yours truly.
Helen Swift: My evil step-mother. Ok she is not evil…
Brittany: Our 23 year old associate, who has potential, however is very impressionable and is surrounded by bad influences
Liz: The sack that my uncle insists on keeping around. This darling is 28 years old, still lives at home and has a boyfriend locked up in some Arizona prison. A pure peach, I tell you!

My New Years resolution is to resolve all of the problems that I see with this place, which is pretty much the whole place. Maybe I should bulldoze the office and start brand new? No…I will start by figuring out a way to have this Liz girl fired. Moving on and up!