Even though I am considered an adult, I still have those “when I grow up” dreams. Today, my dream is to be a secret agent spy, fully equipped with a trench coat, monocle and a tobacco pipe. I would be on a very serious, cutting edge, world changing (if I crack it) case. This would be the case of the missing clothes…more specifically, MY missing clothes.
I have a few very charming ensembles that have seemingly vanished into thin air ever since I moved into my latest living quarters a short five months ago. I must admit that I am not always the most responsible person when it comes to safe guarding my belongings. In fact I am an absolute MESS! But the last time I checked, I did not take off my BCBG black jumpsuit and leave it in the middle of a corn field and walk home naked. There is no reason why it should not be in my loving possession (ala my bedroom floor.)
This requires a thorough investigation of all the possible suspects.
Suspect # 1: Casper the Friendly Ghost
Or how friendly IS he? If he is stealing my precious clothing he has a mean streak. He is also, obviously, a cross dresser. I have never dealt with a cross dressing thief ghost before, I will have to conduct a séance and see if I can reason with him (or her, if that is how he prefers to be referred to.)
Suspect # 2: Bella
Bella, Bella, Bella…Bella is my roommates dog. She and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. The truth is, when I first moved in I could not stand her. She looks like a black dust mop, she has breath that would offend a Venice Beach transient, and she likes to snack on my underwear. Could it be that she has graduated from snacking on underwear to devouring an entire cashmere scarf?! She has been looking a little heavier recently. However, we have sort of created a bond over the last month. Or shall I say, I feel bad for her so I don’t hiss at her when she within 5 feet of me. With this new lease on friendship I cannot imagine that she would betray me so…
Suspects # 3 & # 4: Tamara & Jackie
My roommates. This scenario seems the most plausible. Chiefly because they have opposable thumbs. It would also be completely understandable. I do have some quite charming pieces in my collection. However this offense would be very difficult to excuse. Which is why I can’t imagine them opening my bedroom door (this is where the opposable thumbs come in handy) riffling through the piles and piles of clothes on my floor (I need to call merry maids) and stealthily removing my prized purple dress from my quarters. And as hard as it is for me to say this, they are much more top heavy than I, I could hardly imagine it fitting them. It is just plain madness!
The most difficult thing for me is how to broach the subject with any of these aforementioned suspects…
I am going to go read some Sherlock Holmes novels and see if any inspiration befalls me.
Wish me luck.
- Sleepless in Style