Gypsy Style: Nip/Tuck

Bristol Palin is not the only one that has updated her face this year!!

Thats right people!!

Powerful Stuff

Ok...is it just me?

I am totally obsessed with this commercial.

I know that it has been in rotation for a while, but I just cannot get over it.

Is it the song? The nostalgia? The pretty girl? The HOT guy?

Probably. Probably. Eh. YESSS!!!!!!

It comes on and I am transfixed. A sense of wistfulness takes me over.

I can't be the only one. Just can't.

Le sigh...

GYPSY STYLE: VINTAGE SUMMER

After seeing the above photo of my gorgeous friend Amber (I mean, really. She is just so pretty.) I have been obsessing over finding a high waisted bathing suit. 

But where in tarnation do you find a cute one?

I feel like the ones that I see are frumpy and not cute. 

I would ask Amber, but this is an American Apparel romper, I am quite sure.

Suggestions welcome!

GYPSY ROBOT LOVE: THE ROYAL WEDDING

All I am going to say, is that I kind of wish that I was marrying Kate Middleton.

GYPSY STYLE: RED HEAD ENVY

I have always considered myself to be extremely lucky; in other words, blond. Everyone wants to be blond, right?

• They have more fun
• Gentleman prefer them
• They make great lawyers.
• There is a category of jokes written JUST for them.

I mean, blond's are tops!

But today, I cannot help admiring some red headed beauties.

 I wonder if my hair stylist would let me go red?

The Birth of a Gypsy Robot

As some of you may (or may not) remember, this little blog of mine used to go by a different name.

"I'm either really funny...or Bat Shit Crazy"

But alas, those Bat Shit crazy days are over. Mostly because I thought having "shit" in a blog title might be a little crass. And if there is anything that I have learned from my mum, it is that ladies should not curse. Unless they are very VERY angry at someone who has:

• stolen your parking space
• bought the last Sprinkles red velvet cupcake
• worn the very same dress as you at the very same event

Otherwise, it is just inexcusable.

So why Gypsy Robot?

Well it is quite simple.

1. I was at a Stevie Nicks concert about a week ago and she was singing "Gypsy" and I got to thinking, "Wow. Gypsy's are really the coolest."
2. I <3 robots. A lot. As you can see in my banner. I like to get up close and personal with them.

And alas a new blog name was born. I hope that it is more exciting than Bat Shit Crazy blog. But only time will tell.

GYPSY STYLE: NAILED IT!

Warning: This is a long post about feet. Gross.

A couple of weeks ago I was strolling through the produce isle of Whole Foods Market (to get to the bakery, of course) when a very cute girl stopped me.

"Oh my gosh!!! I love those shoes!!! Where did you get them!?!?"

I coyly thanked her, looked down and almost died. LOOK AT MY FEET!

Ugh.

Yes. My shoes were cute. The feet that were in them were a whole other story. And while I was looking down, I checked out the feet of my compliment-or. DANGIT! They were perfectly painted the palest of pinks. A FAR cry from my chipped red nail polish from a 2 month old pedi.

I felt efemulated!! (I just made up a word! Like emasculated...but feminized?)

Why didn't I have those cute pink toes?!

Oh. Ya. Because I am broke(ish) and cannot afford to have some poor lady in a squat stool buff my feet every 10 days. But that doesn't mean that I can't do it myself right?

So that is just what I did. Even though I am terrible at anything that includes nail polish.

For starters I needed to work on the foundation of my nails.

HANDS AND FEET!

I used the following products to make them silky smooth from Paris Presents!

While these sets might look like something out of a second hand Hello Kitty, they actually have some good stuff on the inside.

I put myself on a strict daily hand and foot regimine.

EXFOLIATE, SCRUB, BUFF, MOISTURIZE, REPEAT!

And I must say that it made all the difference.

Now all I needed to do was put some paint on those bad boys and we were ready to go!

I LOVE all Essie nail polish. They have cute colors. The thing that you hold on to to paint your nails is perfectly round, funny shapes throw me off. AND sometimes, you can get away with just one coat and they look PROFESH!

So needless to say, I have been roaming around Whole Foods ever since, hoping to see that girl who complimented my shoes. I need a second chance! I have cute feet too!

ROBOT READS: WATER FOR ELEPHANTS

Water for Elephants

I have a confession to make. I originally bought Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen a couple of years ago. I started it. Read a couple of chapters. Got bored. Put it down...and down it stayed. Meanwhile everyone and their mothers was reading it and LOVING it, making me think that I needed to give it another try.

And then, like with most things, I forgot about it.

UNTIL...

...this amazing promo with an amazing song by Florence and the Machine caught my attention. Like most popular books, there was now to be a Water for Elephants movie. "I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!" I thought. Which I completely plan on doing. However, I have a flaw, defect, particularity...whatever you want to call it. I cannot see a movie if it was initially a book, and I have not already read the book. It is completely ridiculous.

So after two years I hopped back on the Elephant saddle and was HOOKED. I realized that I was doing it all wrong. Like the Twilight series, I had to pretend like the leading male role was Robert Patinson and I was his love interest. Once that happened I was in!

It is a brazenly penned story about a young man, Jacob Jankowski, who runs away from the tragedy that has recently befallen him and joins a traveling train circus. It takes place during the depression and the constant question of where money is going to come from next is quite reminiscent of my current life (maybe I will hop on a circus train.) He falls in love with a married woman, befriends an elephant and is roommates with a little person. I don't know about you, but married women + elephants + little people = my new favorite.

I highly recommend it.

And I will probably highly recommend the movie too....but I have no seen it yet.

I'll let you know.

TROLLS!

How do you get rid of them?!

I would much rather have garden gnomes.

They are nice...and give you great tips on where to vacation.

Green Tea is supposed to be good for you

There is one side of my family that is blessed with addictive personalities.

My grandma is addicted to keeping everything that she has ever touched.

My father is addicted to...well I wont go there.

My sister used to be addicted to cleaning out her high school locker.

I, being the level headed/ perfect/ flawless person that I am, thought that I had escaped this trait. I mean, almost 26 years without a serious addiction (well there was that episode with Zac Efron...) and I am pretty much convinced that I am out scot free.

Well.

I was wrong.

I have met my match.

 Ladies, Matthew, and that random person in Malta,

I would like to introduce you to the new love in my life. The Green Tea Frappuccino. My mouth waters just typing its name. I have not told anyone this, but I have at least one a day. The people at my local Starbucks are starting to recognize me. One of the Barista's even speaks to me in French, because one time...like over a month ago...I told him that I wanted to learn the language. And the scary thing is, I think that I am starting to understand what he is saying.

This is a very unhealthy habit.

I can feel the pounds just multiplying in my mid section.        

It was really depressing today when I was reading some random blog and this girl was talking about how she has gained 4 lbs since she quit breast feeding. I HAVE GAINED 4 LBS SINCE THIS MORNING!

And I have no self control. I can't say no. If I drive part a Starbucks it is 0.7 seconds before I make a U-turn.

So I have come up with a plan.

I am going to drink as many of these bad boys as I can in one sitting...until I am absolutely sick. Isn't that what they tell people who are trying to quit smoking to do?

I will let you know how it goes.

Should I document this on video?


 

Crazy Mormon Shit

So I have been really bored the last half an hour and have been looking at all the nooks and crannies in blog world. Did you know that there is a "stats" tab that tells you how many people have looked at your blog, how many times, when, where they come from, how they got there, and if they need to go to the dentist? I found this very interesting... It also tells you how random people get to your blog by searching in google. The following searches have lead to mine:   1. funny inappropriate shit

2. phởnatic

3. am i crazy for going back to school?

4. bat shit crazy book

5. bat-shit crazy mormon club

6. batshit crazy things to do

7. book review: "red tent"

8. carla bruni ikea fun

9. closep picture bat shit

10. crazy mormon shit   Really? Do people actually use google for this? I thought that it was only for looking up shirtless pictures of Zac Efron. Amen, he is legal.

While the cats away, the mouse stays busy...

Last Wednesday I woke up bright and early with a sad agenda.

I had to drop my boyfriend off at the airport.

He was to fly off to Nashville, Tennessee for a "boys weekend," which in Spanish directly translates to "TROUBLE." I really wasn't worried, it was five grown (and I assume stinky) men in an RV for 5 days. I bet he didn't even brush his teeth. 

So FUN was on the agenda...I was NOT going to stay at home moping because my prince charming was roughing it for a few days.

First order of business, my darling best friend Chad's 30th birthday. I believe he is in denial about turning 30, as he chose a place that slightly resembles Chuckey Cheese for his birthday.

WE DANCED THE FUNKY CHICKEN!

WE PLAYED MOVIE TRIVIA!

WE CHEERED and JEERED!

...all while enjoying sushi and saki.

The place is called "Tokyo Delves" located in North Hollywood. I would only suggest going there if you were going with my friends. Because they know how to make it really fun. Unless your friends are really fun too...I mean, I guess that could work.

I filled the rest of the week hanging out with friends. I think that it is really interesting stuff, but I doubt you will.

But what I really find interesting is my Saturday night.

I had NO plans and had resigned myself to staying in and gorging on pizza with a depressing book and a box of tissues. Except I didn't have a box of tissues. A roll of toilet paper would have to suffice. When all of a sudden, my phone is jingle-jangling...who could it be? 

Oh just my friend David with a last minute invite to see the Scissor Sisters! 

Usually I do not accept last minute invites, but David is just wonderfully divine and I had to say yes! 

Please see below for wonderfully divine:

You want to know how fancy he is? Our tickets included VIP access, which meant that we got to avoid standing in the back of a sweaty crowd and stood comfortably above the mayhem with more then enough dancing room.

I was in GAY heaven!

First of all I love the Scissor Sisters...they are the bomb.com.

Second...I was in spitting distance (not like I would spit at him, RUDE!) of Rufus Wainwright. I know. I am still composing my open letter to him, claiming my love. He is everything that I wish that I could be. I beautiful gay man who has a beautiful voice, speaks French and plays the piano. And his boyfriend is REALLY cute too.

However, all good things must come to an end. I am picking up Matthew at 7:30 PM Pacific Standard Time.

Just kidding...I am really happy he is coming home! I have shelves that I need to be hung in my apartment!

I Have Strep Throat...

I wonder where I got it?


The suspects are as follows:

1. The Department of Motor Vehicles in Van Nuys, CA
2. The Los Angeles Superior Courthouse of Beverly Hills, CA
3. The Los Angeles Superior Courthouse of Van Nuys, CA
4. Pho2000 of downtown Los Angeles, CA
5. My boyfriend

The possibilities....

Phở-natic

I have a serious problem.

About a week ago my darling boyfriend shared a secret with me, and ever since it is all I can think about.

Phở

We were on our way home from a Rufus Wainwright concert (by the way I love him...I think that him and I are meant to be the best of friends, forever and always, amen) and we were STARVING! I had promised him that we could go to this Vietnamese restaurant that he was dying to go to, but all I could see was El Pollo Loco. I am crazy about that chicken. However, he was driving and I had no control over the situation.

As he pulled up to Pho2000, I cringed. This place definitely did NOT have an "A." I mean, I didn't see the sign...but if I did, I am sure it would have said "B." As in "B" weary.

We sit, and a sweet lady comes to take our order. Matthew orders me the oxtail pho.

Oh. My. God.

Where has this place been every time I had a cold, broke up with a boyfriend, was extra grumpy?! This is the kind of stuff that could cure every ailment worldwide! It is the most perfect combination of soup and noodle and mystery meat...I admit, I did not know what oxtail was. I asked when I was about 75% percent finished with it and Matthew told me it was monkey tail. I believed him for about 2.5 horrifying minutes and then just assumed it was cow. Which to my relief it is. Or hopefully that is what it was. Like I said...the place was a little suspect.

Anyways...after a long wait, we are going again tonight. And I am SO EXCITED! I never get this excited about food (that last statement was a blatant lie.)

What are you doing tonight?

Will you be dining on Pho as well? 

I will leave you with a list of my favorite (real life) Pho restaurant names:

1. 9021PHO (Beverly Hills, CA)
2. Pho King (Chatsworth, CA)
3. Pho Show (Culver City, CA)
4. Absolutely Pho-bulous (West Hollywood, CA)...(OF COURSE!)

This evening...

I am going to sit in the middle of my studio apartment in the hills of Hollywood and stare...stare at every inch of it until I have some sort of divine inspiration in the form of turning my house into an oh so chic abode.

Wish me luck. If this doesn't work, I might cry.

Back to School

Ok seriously...what a cutie...

When I was in my teens I dreaded school. The mere thought of it and I felt a shock right through with a bolt of blue (name that song.) I was extremely shy in the classroom (a quality I quickly dropped on breaks or lunch,) had a gnarly case of A.D.D., and for lack of a better word, unmotivated. For these reasons I avoided school like the plague...which now that I think about it would have been a good excuse for not going. People with the plague should definitely not be in school. It is apparently really contagious. 

   

So instead of strapping down and being serious about school, I was serious about hopping fences. And shopping at the mall. And meeting boys at the movies. And anything else that involves NOT being at school. My poor mother. I put her through hell.

One thing that I did not realize at the time was that this behavior was not conducive to graduating with honors, getting into an ivy league school, joining a sorority where I would meet my future husband, graduating summa cum laude and FINALLY taking over the Universe. Where were my priorities? I must have left them in home room...

So that was about 7 years ago (gasp!) and since then I have been playing around with the idea of actually one day obtaining a degree that I can hang in my fancy office. I would sign up for classes, go for a month, drop them...sign up for classes, go for 2 weeks, drop them....sign up for classes, forget that I signed up for classes, never go....I mean, I got some credits under my belt, but nothing to sneeze at.

So awhile ago I was talking with one of my girlfriends about this travesty of a person that we are both acquainted with. And I said, "I mean, this travesty of a person has nothing going on in their lives! Why don't they just go and get a degree!?" And then I got a sinking feeling in my stomach, because I thought...why don't I just go get a degree? What made me all high and mighty? I was no better than her. Just because I have a nice cooshy job that my dad gave me does not make me any better than "the travesty." Maybe this was just their jumping fences faze.

I felt like a loser.

And a hippo-crit. (I like hippo-crit better than hypocrite. Hippo-crit reminds me of a cute hippopotamus!)

So I snapped into action, and like an un-hypocritical super hero I signed up for classes at a very GLAMOROUS junior college...and now I am about to start my 3rd consecutive semester as a full time student. And I have to say, that it feels quite lovely. Mostly because I am getting good grades. If I was getting bad grades I would imagine it would feel not as lovely.

And although I did not get into an Ivy League school (yet!)...(you never know)...and did not join a sorority where I met my husband (I think I landed a pretty good boyfriend besides)...I might just still have a chance at taking over the Universe. That is if Obama doesn't beat me...Or I run into a really good fence to hop over... 

 
 
    

Eat Pray Love

A few years ago, while roaming the isles of my local Borders book store, I laid my eyes upon a cover that I found particularly appealing. It was a white covered book, and at that time most of my book covers were of a darker color, leaving my bookcase looking dark and dreary. White would be just what I needed to brighten it up. Or yellow. But I didn't find any good yellows...

A good addition, no?

So I dove right into this book with reckless abandon. This woman found EVERYTHING and so was I, gosh darn it! I mean it said it right on the cover! The cover that went so well with my book case! At this time in my life, it is exactly what I needed. I had just broken up with a long term boyfriend, was struggling with severe anxiety AND I was just laid off from my current job...I practically had a neon sign on my forehead "In Search of Self/Job/Meaning/Xanax."

As I was reading, I was amazing by this woman's true life journey. I was inspired, infatuated, in awe of this woman...well at least while she was Eating and Praying...but by the time that I got around to her Loving I was pissed. I mean, who did she think she was? I was so mad at her that when I finished with the book, I called up all the people that I had recommended the book to, to un-recommend it. And rather than place the book in the shelves which it was bought for, I put it in the trunk of my car (this is where I put my least desirable possessions, apparently.)

So obviously, when I heard that there was a movie version of this story coming out...well NATURALLY...I had to go see it. And it really did not change my opinion one bit, and hear is why...if I had a lot of money and no responsibilities I think that I would be able to "find everything" pretty easily as well. There was no magic that lead her to this conclusion of happiness. There was no serendipity. There WAS a cute little Balinese man...but really? Which is why I am so surprised that so many woman have fallen for this book. There is no kind of lesson that you can apply to your own life. Not everyone can just pack their bags, leave their husbands and fly to Italy and get fat. I personally do not know one.

And that is all I really have to say about that (what elegant penmanship that was.)





 

   

 

Polo In The Park

(My friend Lindsay and I enjoying Mimosas in my *CUTE* Pier One "vintage" glasses)

My darling boyfriend and I have been on a mission to add some excitement to our lives (not like we aren't extremely exciting already, it is just nice to know that we are on the cutting edge of excitement.) So when our friends Lindsay and JM asked us to join them for a POLO MATCH viewing we enthusiastically accepted. 

First of all, when was the last time you heard of someone going to a polo match? Like never. Unless you live in the Hamptons...and are a millionaire, or possibly a very high thousand-aire...OR a billionaire! Oprah must watch polo matches.

Anyways, Sunday rolled around and we had decided to bring a picnic brunch. Me, being completely anal retentive, decided that I needed to have a "fancy brunch" that would put Martha Stewart to shame. So I went off in search of a picnic basket. Do you know how hard it is to find a picnic basket? Really hard. If Little Red Riding Hood was in my situation, she might have saved her Grandma a lot of grief...

Determined to not show up with a Vons bag, I went to Pier One, where I hit the money load. No, I did not find a basket, but I did come across some things that are much more exciting...

How would you like to be served your iced cold mimosas from these!

 

 And to drink them out of these!

Yes.

I am obsessed.

I am actually fighting with myself right now on whether I need to go to Pier One and buy more. Which I think I do...right??

PLUS! The blue cups are on sale for $2.00. A steal! You would have to pay $47.99 for one of these at Anthropologie...

 

Anyways! It was a success!

I bought a cute reusable bag and picnic cuteness was saved.

 

Now back to this polo match. It was so much fun!

We drank, ate and were merry...all while watching a sport which we knew little to nothing about.  Except for Lindsay, who had done some research the night before.

 

Although it was a little tough to wake up that early in the morning, it was totally worth it! 

If you are in the LA area, there are matches every weekend at Will Rogers Park in the Pacific Palisades. It is much more exciting than watching Meet The Press. TRUST me!

Dear Janelle,

THIS is really cute.

Love,

Sarah

I'm ready for my close up

I have spent a good amount of time among doctors. Why? Because I am a certified hypochondriac. Lucky for me I have some substantial ailments that back my neurosis up. But the truth is I am just crazy.

On the subject of doctors...I have a propensity to say really inappropriate things to them. I don't know where this deep seeded need comes from, but it is alive and ready to run rampant any time I am approached by an M.D.

Like this one time...

I was feeling a little out of it...which I exacerbated into feeling A LOT out of it. So out of it that I was absolutely positively in need of medical attention. To the emergency room I was rushed, my mother by my side. My sister met us there...because...you know...I was dying.

As I was being hooked up to an IV spilling really expensive Gatorade into my veins the doctor finally arrived, and it began. He would ask me a question and I turned into Bob Saget trying to get a laugh out of him. I don't remember everything that I said because my life was flashing before my eyes, and I have a limited attention span but I do remember the doctor asking me if I was possibly pregnant, to which I replied, "I'M DATING A MORMON!"...really loud. Like that explains anything or is even funny.

My sister and my mom were horrified. I was indignant. The doctor was confused...or Mormon...I am not sure.

Anyways...nothing was wrong with me except for a terrible sense of humor.

This sort of thing has happened to me many times. Appointments where my mom will be scolding me afterward, "You really need to think before you speak Sarah." And I agree with her. I really do! I just can't help it. It is like a spirit overcomes me and I am not myself. I am Rodney Dangerfield. 

So yesterday I was going in to have my colonoscopy/ endoscopy done.

While I was waiting there waiting to be rolled into the operating room inappropriate jokes were flying through my head. I was determined to keep them in. I had my lips sealed tight...Really tight...I think that I might have been turning blue.

My doctor asked me what was wrong.

Uh - Oh

NO! I can do this...I can do this..."I am just really nervous"

Lips back to their sealed position.

At which point my doctor informs the anesthesiologist to put me to sleep mid rolling into the operating room...

...and for that 5.5 euphoric seconds right before I entered the black abyss it happened.

My multiple person came running out.

As I we entered into the opperating room I noticed the television they would be using...

"OH! Is this for my BIG DEBUT??!!" (in a voice similar to Lucy Ricardo)

and then...

"I'm ready for my closeup Mr. Deville!!" In my best Norma Desmond voice.

Surprisingly the last thing I remember was a genuine chuckle. So it must not have been that bad.

I am sure that he has heard much worse...I just wish I remembered what I had said when I came out from Anesthesia...